Following knee surgery, a couple of weeks ago, I have been very dependent on the kindness of others, as I try to navigate in today’s world without too much disruption. It’s made me reflect on what “kindness” really means and the impact it can have. The Oxford Dictionary defines “Kindness” as: “The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.” Seems simple enough, doesn’t it? However, this notion becomes a bit more interesting and complex as you dig into it.

I’m sure we can all recall “The Golden Rule” of kindness: “So in everything you do, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Seems pretty simple and it goes without saying that if we would like people to be kind to us … that’s what we should be to them. There are many phrases that deliver the same message, for example:

• How you treat others mirrors the way they will treat you.
• Smile and the world smiles with you.
• You reap what you sow.

Digging a bit deeper, I learned that there are four types of kindness, according to a paper in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology:

            Kin Kindness:   or being kind to your family.
            Mutualism:      or being kind to members of your community.
            Reciprocal Altruism:    or being kind to those you will meet again.
            Competitive Altruism: or being kind to others when it enhances your status.

While the motivation behind each of these four types may differ, the fundamental principle remains the same: Treat someone else kindly and they will generally reciprocate.

I’ve seen that it is not uncommon for people to hold elevators and doors when you are riding in a wheelchair, but what do we see on a normal day under normal circumstances? I’ve watched people walk through a door that was held open for them without so much as a “Thank You” or acknowledgement. Surely a spontaneous act of kindness, no matter how small, deserves some acknowledgement by the receiver. As our parents often reminded us” “The world would be a better place if people said ‘Thank You’ more often.” Can’t argue with that home-grown logic.

Another very interesting thing about kindness is it’s rebound factor. When you do something kind to another, it makes them feel good – AND – it also makes you feel good too. In fact, if it doesn’t, it may mean that your sincerity behind the action was questionable. Being kind out of a sense of duty is not the same as being kind out of a sense of caring. We’ve all heard of “random acts of kindness, those little acts that are totally unexpected and come out of nowhere. We don’t always need a reason to be kind. We can just do it randomly.

Can we share kindness with fellow Probus members by striking up a conversation with a new member to make them feel welcomed? Can we get someone a replacement coffee when going for our own refill? Can we pitch in to help with room set-up or break down following a meeting? It’s the little things that add up quickest. Let’s never stop looking for ways to be kind to others.

“Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”  – Mark Twain

Jim McKinlay